A FEW WEEKS AGO I was in Pinehurst, North Carolina, for a national amateur event hosted by RSM McGladrey and the PGA of America. I spent some time with Natalie Gulbis, Chris DiMarco and Zach Johnson (story to come).
I also had the opportunity to visit with Donald Ross, the legendary golf course designer who was a mainstay at Pinehurst. Ross designed four Pinehurst courses, as well as Seminole in Florida, Oak Hill in New York, and Oakland Hills in Michigan.
Actually, Ross died in 1948, so I talked to his famous statue, who stands near the entrance of the Walk of Fame at Pinehurst No. 2. I confess that it didn’t go very well. Most of my questions just hung in the air, and the following transcript doesn’t convey the long, uncomfortable pauses between questions. At one point I lost my cool. For that, I apologize.
Q. Thanks for taking the time. It’s an honor to speak with you.
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. What do you think about golf returning to the Olympics?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Did you ever think you’d see golf became a worldwide sport?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Do you have any thoughts on the grooves change?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Equipment sure has changed since back in the day (chuckling).
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. How do you get along with the Payne Stewart statue?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Are there any generational issues, or is your common interest in golf a bonding thing?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Are you on Twitter?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q: Pete Dye said your mother wore army boots.
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q. Sorry. Actually, Pete didn’t say that at all. That was totally uncalled for.
DONALD ROSS STATUE: (Silence.)
Q: OK, one final question. Of the 600 golf courses you designed or redesigned, which one do you consider to be your masterpiece?
DONALD ROSS STATUE: Pinehurst No. 2.
(Note: While the answer seemed like it came from the Donald Ross statue, I did hear rustling in the bushes. It could have been a dog—or maybe something larger. A Pinehurst employee?)
−The Armchair Golfer
(Image: cmiked/Flickr)
(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)
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